Mai multe legi Murphy
Murphy's laws and corollaries
Jump to An Abridged Collection of Interdisciplinary
Laws
MURPHY'S LAWS
1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going
wrong, the one that will
cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Corollary: If there is
a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen
then.
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways
in which a procedure can
go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way,
unprepared for, will
promptly develop.
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to
worse.
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked
something.
9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so
ingenious.
12. Whenever you set out to do something, something
else must be done first.
13. Every solution breeds new problems.
Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Murphy's Law of Copiers
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to
its importance.
Murphy's Law of the Open Road:
When there is a very long road upon which there is a
one-way bridge placed
at random, and there are only two cars on that road,
it follows that: (1)
the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2)
they will always
meet at the bridge.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its
value
Murphy's Corollaries
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to
worse.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because
fools are so
ingenious
Law of the Perversity of Nature (Mrs. Murphy's
Corollary):
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which
side of the bread to
butter.
Corollary (Jenning):
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side
down is directly
proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Commentaries
Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Laws
1. If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all
possible care.
2. If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
3. If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
4. If it doesn't matter, it does not matter.
O'Toole's Commentary
Murphy was an optimist.
NBC's Addendum to Murphy's Law
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Murphy's Military Laws
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you
are.
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the
enemy.
3. Friendly fire ain't.
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an
officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that
the enemy has already
mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it
gives the enemy
somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance of your own
positions, the more likely your
artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into
an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large
and too small.
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a
nap.
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is
used on abandoned
positions.
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy
fire is incoming friendly
fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying that having
someone take a shot at you,
and miss.
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws
fire. Out of the combat
zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Murphy's Technology Laws
1. You can never tell which way the train went by
looking at the track.
2. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with
confidence.
3. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some
damn fool discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands
it beyond
recognition.
4. Technology is dominated by those who manage what
they do not understand.
5. If builders built buildings the way programmers
wrote programs, then the
first woodpecker that came along would destroy
civilization.
6. The opulence of the front office decor varies
inversely with the
fundamental solvency of the firm.
7. The attention span of a computer is only as long as
it electrical cord.
8. An expert is one who knows more and more about less
and less until he
knows absolutely everything about nothing.
9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the
universe and he'll believe
you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll
have to touch to be
sure.
10. All great discoveries are made by mistake.
11. Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
12. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within
budget.
13. All's well that ends.
14. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are
kept and the hours are
lost.
15. The first myth of management is that it exists.
16. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed
final inspection.
17. New systems generate new problems.
18. To err is human, but to really foul things up
requires a computer.
19. We don't know one millionth of one percent about
anything.
20. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
21. Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.
22. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds
as 20 men working 20
years make.
23. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss
putting in an honest
day's work.
24. Some people manage by the book, even though they
don't know who wrote the
book or even what book.
25. The primary function of the design engineer is to
make things difficult
for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
26. To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the
job will take the
longest and cost the most.
27. After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more
is said than done.
28. Any circuit design must contain at least one part
which is obsolete, two
parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are
still under
development.
29. A complex system that works is invariably found to
have evolved from a
simple system that works.
30. If mathematically you end up with the incorrect
answer, try multiplying by
the page number.
31. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more
unreliable. Any system
which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
32. Give all orders verbally. Never write anything
down that might go into a
"Pearl Harbor File."
33. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of
pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables the organism
will do as it damn well
pleases.
34. If you can't understand it, it is intuitively
obvious.
35. The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the
greater the odds that the
competition already has the order.
36. In designing any type of construction, no overall
dimension can be
totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The
correct total will
become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
37. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch
where it itches.
38. All things are possible except skiing through a
revolving door.
39. The only perfect science is hind-sight.
40. Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor
speling.
41. If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
42. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
43. When all else fails, read the instructions.
44. If there is a possibility of several things going
wrong the one that will
cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
45. Everything that goes up must come down.
46. Any instrument when dropped will roll into the
least accessible corner.
47. Any simple theory will be worded in the most
complicated way.
48. Build a system that even a fool can use and only a
fool will want to use
it.
49. The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level
of management.
Murphy's Love Laws
1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr.
to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is
from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is
inversely proportional to how
much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great
bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth
every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you
get interested is the
minute they find someone else.
Murphy's Laws of sex
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the
easier it is to leave
her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's
offered take it, because
it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes
the most amount of
trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what
people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches
you are going to get or
how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and
minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she
usually stops listening to
him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man
are usually the same ones
she can't stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it,
chances are you won't
either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on
Sunday pray for crop
failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of
darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on
the ground that caused
the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got
to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some
things worse than sex.
But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female
bosom had gone into our
space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands
on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of
physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some
old-fashioned four-letter
words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by
impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to
have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the
mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more
troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or
rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had;
a man, the women he
couldn't.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but
the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he
doesn't love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation;
the other eight are
unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are
thinking.
55. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a
fool when they fall in
love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from
another.
59. "This won't hurt, I promise."
